12/08
it's sunday i usually don't write on weekends but
i had my christmas dance recital and it was different from the others
i smiled on srage for the whole dance for the first time, and it felt great
like i was really happy. instead of thinking during it about my mistakes, i thought about how good it felt.
weird.
i also really like being on stage
but i'm an introvert, i'm literally the quietest kid iin mah grade. like wtf???
and yet, being on stage was a great feeling. idk why i don't have stage fright. literally some of the best dancers in my class do
i mean this is like my 10th or 11th recital or smth. it dosen't seem like a lot. but you spend months practicing, and i've always had 2 dances per recital (with the exeption of one year when jazz wasn't in the christmas one and this one bcs begginer pointe would be a mess on stage lmao)
and i never had stage fright in any of them except maybe the first one ever and that was so mild it lasted abt 5 mins. but this time it was enjoyable.
i was really thinking abt quitting dance, but now i don't think i want to
i wanna do smth on stage for a career when i grow up i think
but yeah
stay alive |-/
- fren
12/09
i'm having a day where everything seems boring.
i wish it was abt to be 2005 not 2025
i hate my generation so much
i was born too late
i wish i was this age in a time where
there was more good bands who made music (some bands like top and a few others are the exeption)
when there wasn't trashy pop music everywhere
where i wouldn't have to hide my need for alt music
where people like me existed
where concert tickets were cheaper and not overpriced
where everyone wasn't on their phone 24/7 bcs they had fliphones
why do want these times
something must be wrong with me
i hate hiding behind this mask
nobody knows me
stay alive |-/
- fren
edit: sorry i think its bcs i read the forest fic for the 1st time it hurt
-fren
12/10
just got back from dance writing later than usual
wrote a song check it out
im sick of hiding my true style and interests
every time i go to say i chicken out
i'm such a coward
why do i hide behind this mask?
stay alive |-/
- fren
12/11
argggggg if i hear another christmas song i'll lose it
holiday stuff just makes me upset
there's only a few christmas songs i like
i prefer holloween.
Frank Iero is so lucky to have a bday on it
sorry i haven't said anything happy since sunday
stay alive |-/
- fren
12/13
a year ago today, i was a cringe swiftie. i'm so happy that phase is over
went to sea world yesterday thats why i didn't write
but yeah saw this lady wearing an mcr shirt, we made eye contact and it was weird but it was like saying "i like my chem too" without saying anything. she seemed to understand.
today i went to a kindergarden classroom at the elementary school to volunteer for beta club to help make gingerbread houses
the little girl i helped was so sweet and hugged me when i had to leave. her name was similar to Helena (!!!) (not exposing for personal info) now when i hear dat song imma think of her
she reminded me of a fren i had in kindergarden :(
how was that so long ago???
other than that nothing
stay alive |-/
- fren
vids/songs of da week (trying smth new)